


Choices

by TheLateNightStoryTeller



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, I'm Sorry, I'm dramatic, It's angst, So much angst, based on the promotional material anyway, running from the bad guys, speculation ish, spoilers if you are avoiding any promo stuff, very sad puppies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 07:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10986537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLateNightStoryTeller/pseuds/TheLateNightStoryTeller
Summary: Set sometime in season 5, Cosima and Delphine make a difficult choice together that both of them may end up regretting.





	Choices

Delphine stands in the shadows of the trees, every muscle so tight that it hurts. A chill rushes through her veins that puts the frosty night air to shame. She knows she should run, but she can’t tear her eyes from the scene in front of her. She can’t stop herself from feeling like she’s made a terrible mistake.

_“We… have to… split up.”_

_Delphine’s head snapped around at Cosima’s words, her features narrowing into a frown._

_“What?”_

_They’d been running for almost half an hour but she could still hear the dogs off in the distance, booming barks that cut between Cosima’s hungry gasps for air._

_The other woman was sandwiched between her and the wide trunk of a tree, hanging onto both for support. She held her chin high, determined, but her eyes were bright with pain and Delphine felt herself soften at their touch._

_Cosima took a shaky breath. “One of us has to make it, Delphine-“_

_She shook her head fiercely. “Both of us can make it.”_

_Cosima’s gaze lowered and Delphine saw how tired she was. She heard the things she wasn’t saying. That she was slowing her down, that she wasn’t strong enough._

_“I’ll double back,” her words were slow but deliberate. She stood up, moving away from Delphine as her breathing evened out. She stumbled on the second step but she ignored it, righting herself as if it hadn’t happened.  “I can give you a couple of minutes at least. Ten, maybe fifteen-“_

_“They’ll kill you.” Delphine hadn’t meant for it to come out as harshly as that, but anger was rising like bile in her throat. How could she be so reckless?_

_“Maybe.” She paused, briefly, the pair of them acutely aware of each second ticking by. “But if neither of us get the message to Sarah, it’s over for all of us.”_

_Delphine felt heat rising to her cheeks. This plan wasn’t an option. Even if they left her alive, as slim possibility, she’d suffer at their hands. She opened her mouth, sharp words on her tongue but Cosima spoke before she could._

_“You promised,” she reminded her, dissolving the argument before it had even begun._

_Their eyes locked and once again she found her anger melting away. She could see that Cosima was frightened but she was also as stubborn as she’d ever been and glowing with a quiet resolution that seemed to restore at least a bit of her strength. Neither of them wanted to do this, but neither of them had a better way forward either._

_And she had promised, hadn’t she? This was what Cosima wanted and she was right. Alive wasn’t the best option if it meant what they’d seen on this island. She could fight as hard as she wanted to keep the woman in front of her breathing but her heart beating in her chest wouldn’t mean Delphine had saved her. She understood that now, even if she wished she didn’t. How much easier this all would be, if only protecting the body of the woman she loved was the same as protecting her heart and her soul. It was cruel, that the two goals had been cleaved in two._

_Her voice broke. “I love you.”_

_It was all she could say, and she worried it sounded like pleading but Cosima understood, gracing her with a grateful half-smile. She moved forward, planting a kiss on her lips as bold and as hopeful as their first. A part of Delphine wished she hadn’t, it reminded her of everything she was asking them to lose, sharpened the pain all the more, but she didn’t protest. If this was goodbye she wasn’t going to begrudge her that, or be the first to pull away._

_Cosima ended it instead, and when she moved back her grin was almost cocky._

_“I’ll be OK.” Her voice was filled with false bravado. “Don’t worry, they want me alive. I’m an expensive investment.” She tilted her head, amused. “Plus, I’ve kind of been told I’m a brat. I don’t think they’re ready for this.”_

_Delphine tried to say something but her throat had closed up. She didn’t want the last thing Cosima saw of her to be a deer frozen in the headlights of a truck, not when she was trying so hard to be brave, but she couldn’t move even to hide her horror. Maybe her silence was better. Better a deer than something begging and broken._

_Cosima took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and turning her head questioningly. She was waiting for a goodbye._   _The barking was closer now, too close._ _They were running out of time, she knew that. She should say something._

_It was Cosima who spoke first. “And I love you too,” she said gently. So much was packed into those four short words. Adoration, regret, gratitude, everything they’d ever been and ever could have been. It was too much._

_With great effort, Delphine managed a small smile. “Be careful.” The warning seemed ridiculous, with what she was about to do there was no careful, but it made warmth rise into Cosima’s face like a spark of sunshine so it was worth the contradiction._

_“You too.”_

_And just like that Cosima was gone. Her hand slid out of hers and she disappeared into the night. Delphine took one long breath to fight down the wave of nausea her absence stirred, swallowed hard, and sprinted off in the opposite direction._

 Now, from the top of the hill, Delphine can see the shadows of the men and the dogs moving in on something far away. She knows it’s Cosima without being able to make out her shape, recognizes her by the sinking feeling in her heart.

She can’t move. She can’t breathe. It’s all she can do to stop herself from running to her.

_…you have to love all of us…_

_… then I love all of you…_

If she stops now, it’s all for nothing. If she saves her sisters, she saves a part of Cosima as well. The thought is enough to make her feet start again. She runs until her lungs feel like they are going to burst and it’s only the shot that rings out into the air make her legs give out from under her. She crashes, rolling into the hard earth, a jolt of pain in her shoulder when it catches on a root.

She pushes herself up but she’s crying too hard to stand, biting down on her glove to keep herself quiet. For about a minute, she struggles to gain control of herself. Her grief is like a tar pit she cannot escape.

What has she done?

But no. A gunshot doesn’t mean it’s over. It hadn’t for her, had it?

Delphine finds it isn’t so much more difficult lying to herself than it is to lie to other people. Especially when the truth is so repellent.

_‘I’ll be OK.’_

She’ll be OK. Her eyes shut tight, long breaths bring cold air across her burning throat, and at last she manages to get up. She just needs to keep going. It doesn’t matter if it hurts, it will hurt if she stops too. She just needs to keep running until she reaches Sarah.

/-/-/

The gunshot stops Cosima in her tracks. Her heart in her throat, she raises her hands in surrender.

A man pulls her arms down roughly, tying her wrists together with a zip tie. “Don’t try running again,” he growls.

“Or what?” she snaps back, trying to hide her terror as he pulls her to her feet. “You’ll shoot another pine cone?”

“The next thing I shoot is your kneecap,” he warns her and she clamps her mouth shut, glaring at him.

Loud footsteps signal his companion’s return and Cosima can’t help a smug smile when he’s empty handed.

“No sign of the other one?”

He shakes his head.

“You’re not going to catch up with her,” she taunts. Maybe it would be wiser to keep her mouth shut, but she needs to say it out loud, make sure it stays real, gauge how confident they are that they can.

The first man leans towards her and she grits her teeth, disgusted by him, by all of this. “We don’t need to catch up, we just need to get close enough to hit her. You’re the only one we need alive.” He sounds like he regrets the second part, but not the first and the image it conjures up makes Cosima flinch.

At least she was right to split up. It kept Delphine safe as well as her sisters. She hadn’t told her that was one of the reasons she’d done this, wouldn’t have risked letting Delphine know she was putting her life in front of her own. It doesn’t make as much sense to sacrifice one person for one person as it does to sacrifice that same person for dozens or more others. She hadn’t known how to tell Delphine in a way that she’d understand that she would have stepped into this just to get her off this island, that if she makes it out alive that will be enough justification to bear whatever happens next.

If Delphine lives, she’s already won. If she dies, she’s lost everything.

“You won’t find her.” She hopes he can’t hear her voice trembling. There is too much riding on her words being true.

The man pulls on her arm, leading her back towards where they came from. “We’ll see.”

But the woods are quiet the whole way back and she’s never been more grateful for the silence.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is sort of based on the promotional stuff for season 5. I feel like this whole island is gonna be bad news in a big way, plus we have Delphine "making choices that might lose her the lover of her life". 
> 
> Not sure something even close to this will actually happen but I was going more for the character points and emotion behind what might actually happen... if that makes sense haha.


End file.
